I feel like I don't belong here.
I've said the words before
smirking slightly so you'd know I'm strong
no smiles this time.
I feel like I don't belong here.
I want to tell you whose fault it is
but honestly his words wouldn't hurt
if I didn't already believe them.
Everything you know is trivial
You've done nothing that matters
I feel like I don't belong here
tick tock tick tock
how much time is on the clock
tick tock tick tock
before they find out I'm a crock?
I feel like I don't belong here
I used to think this signified humility
and perhaps a humble heart would be grateful
overwhelmed with thanks
to be here at all
but what of the heart that spills over with anger
that leaps and tumbles with frightful angst
at the chance, even the possibility
that it might not "deserve" this
what of this mangled heart that breaks afresh
from wounds to a self-inflicted pride
what then?
I thought if I passed this test
I'd finally feel like I belonged here
instead it's the worst it's ever been
someday when I'm in heaven (where I won't belong),
will I gave thanks Christ died to let me in?
will I accept the grace of unwarranted mercy?
will I smile in awe of a God who could love such a sinner?
or hold on to a grumbling privilege that seeks
to merit the things I have and places I am?
Will there be impostor syndrome in heaven?
So anyway
What I'm trying to say is
I feel like I don't belong here
but thanks for letting me stay